No Joy
Topic: Parenting | 6 Comments »Until Now
Up to this point all our parenting skills required of us was to meet her physical needs, show her we love her, that she is protected and that she is safe. I don’t think that was too hard for either of us. We both come from great, loving and caring homes. We have great people that serve as examples all around us.
With Joy learning to crawl we have also begun to teach her the word “No”. In our society it seems as if this word does not exist. Everyone is told they can have what they want, do as they feel and that there is nothing to stop them. I believe that self discipline brings success. It brings success not only to us in the physical form (our positions, money and jobs) but it also brings success to the real us (who we are as a person, relationships and our thinking).
Teaching “No”
Joy now crawls towards the power cables and Ethernet cables to our computers. If we say “No” to her she will slowly move her hand away then attempt again. Each time we say no she is learning it is something she shouldn’t do. She does not fully understand what it means and she definitely does not understand why. After saying no a couple of times we move her to something she can have because we know that she does not completely know what we are saying to her. We want to show her there are some thing she can not have and other things she can freely enjoy.
We take the opportunity to say “No” a couple of times so that she can learn. Eventually she will know what “No” means then once she fully understands it will be a matter of if she chooses to obey or not. Obedience is where real parenting comes in. From obedience, self discipline will come in the form of “Do I do what is right when Dad and Mom are not watching?”.
There will be times when she can’t understand why we say “No” even if we do try and explain. The harm remains the same if she understands or doesn’t understand why. The harm is there when we are watching or not watching. Obedience and self discipline keeps us safe and brings us success.
Being The Example
That is a hard enough topic to think about when we talk about raising kids and definitely an important topic. Let us not however just look at how to raise our kids without being the example. So let me ask this question: Are we as well educated adults willing to accept “No” from people of authority (Bosses, governors, and others who are over us)? Will we do what is right whether we understand or not, and whether they are watching or not?
6 Responses to “No Joy”
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That’s a double edged sword my friend. Soon she’ll be telling you “no.” It actually got to the point that when our son better understood verbal communication we actually stopped using the word and approaching things differently. Instead of saying “no,” we would say something like “that’s hot. You’ll get hurt.”
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Ahh.. so your daughter is learning the most important 2-letter word in her vocabulary. Fun times!
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Let’s not forget that we do not want to raise our children as sheep, or lemmings either.
A healthy respect for “no” is good, but a willingness to question what we are being told (and to do so respectfully) is also a good thing. It’s a fine line to walk.
Thankfully, at Joy’s age – you do not have to worry too much about that fine line just yet.
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“No” was one of the first word our kids learned too. I think it might have been the first word they said too.
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An ancient writer wrote about a time and place (actual fact in history) where “everyone did what was right in their own site (opinion)” It did not produce a good result for that society. I think that Western “Civiliaztion” is fast headed that same direction and neither will it be good for us. I am glad to hear of parents who are willing take the hard and difficult stand and teach their children self discipline and respect. You will not always be understood by others but the results are more than rewarding for the price of being misunderstood and at times even criticized.
“NO” is such a tough one to get around. Short, sweet and rather painful to us and them. The other folks commenting here make some great points.
Good luck. Things arfe about to get very interesting.
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